I’m standing in my backyard and everything is still with the exception of a slight cool breeze. It feels amazing as it hydroplanes over me. I temporarily interrupt its path as I reroute it into my nostrils and breathe it deep, deep into my lungs..ahh it feels like I am breathing in peace.
A hummingbird stops mid-flight on its way to the feeder and hovers in front of me as if to say a quick good morning. I stare back and marvel at its beauty and the speed of its’ wings. Although the weeds have found a temporary home in my yard, some of them have the most beautiful flowers. I think I will let them stay for a while and enjoy the beauty while it lasts.
It is so peaceful. It feels so right. Everything out here is working just the way it is supposed to and all is well. I wish I could stay out here in this peace for the rest of the morning but a noise from inside the house distracts me and the peace is gone.
I freeze. Can you believe I am anxious about going in to my own house? What am I so afraid of? If I could I would escape through the back fence and go for a LONG walk but it is locked and the key is inside the house.
I think to myself… how in the world did I get to this place in my life? I didn’t pick this journey; I think my life was hijacked. Yes, addiction and addicts hijacked my life and took me to a strange awful place.
As I am walking back to go inside, my eye catches a beautiful butterfly that elegantly flies past me and I think about the butterfly analogy.
You know, the one about the journey to the cocoon site, developing wings with amazing colors and finally breaking through the cocoon and gracefully fly through the sky. Well, if God gives a caterpillar the strength to endure that transformation, then certainly he has given me what I need to recover me from the crazy messed up world of addictions.
For anyone personally involved in the world of addictions…life is crazy messed up! Maybe you are the addict or someone closely involved in the life of an addict.
I have been on both sides of that track.. I was the angry addict that thought everyone around me was trying to make my life hard and blamed them for my addiction. I was the one, after attaining sobriety that believed the addict was trying to suck the life out of me. Welcome to the world of insanity. Ugh!
Today I am and have been on the journey to recover me. I want to be that confident, brave, adventurous me with dreams and goals, full of life. NO FEAR! I long to find me and become me once again. Do you ever feel that way?
With this blog, I hope to write about things you might be able to relate to so that you don’t feel quite so alone, lonely, and crazy.
I hope you will be inspired and encouraged to start your own journey to recovering you.
It’s important that you realize that You are NOT alone. There are many of us who are where you are at now, or have been there at some point. Be assured of this, no matter where you are in this journey…there is hope-much hope. Please, don’t let shame control you or make you feel like you have to keep it all hidden.
Let’s walk this journey together.