I woke up with a jolt. What the hell was that? Was he dreaming, does he really need help?
When you have a heroin addict in your life, every moment can be like walking on shards of glass. Every moment hurts.
As a new mother it’s quite common to check in on your baby to make sure they are okay.
You may even find yourself bending down, even with their chest, to make sure you see the rise and falling of their little lungs-all is well and they are sleeping peacefully.
In a million years you never would have imagined that you would be going in to their rooms when they are in their 20’s, stooping down , horizontally in line with their chest, to make sure they are still breathing. Or maybe it’s your husband, or boyfriend, or wife, or girlfriend, or may be even a relative that you have taken in because the rest of the family is done with them.
Sometimes you just want to crawl in bed with them just so you will know if they do stop breathing you will be there to resuscitate them-jolt them back to life.
It’s terrifying to walk in to a room and see the person you are so in love with, slumped over a chair or laying in a heap on the bathroom floor. Everything in the room becomes a blur and you freeze for a second, You don’t want this to be the end, why did you leave them home alone, why didn’t you demand they go for treatment, why did you pretend there was nothing wrong, why did you believe them when they told you they stopped using. So you stare at them, looking for the rising and the falling of the chest, like you have done so many times before. You try to focus but the tears are making it hard. You want to scream out loud but nothing comes out. Then they open their eyes and look up at you, “What are you looking at-leave me alone”…..
The shards of glass, they rip through your heart. Over and over and over again.