You have to tune out everything you see to hear it.
It is so faint that you have to turn on the superhero powers of hearing. The superpower that gives you power to hear the cries of the heart.
If you listen, this is what you will hear.
“HELP ME PLEASE!”
It’s inaudible by the human ear because the evil villain whose name is Addiction puts a filter over the heart.
The filter changes the cries of the heart so that when the words come out they are only to manipulate to get more junk.
So, please, put on your superhero powers and listen beyond what is being said.
Have you ever known an addict that said, “I want to be an addict when I grow up.”
I had an addict in my family.
I watched, I waited, and I tried to prepare for the day when they said they were ready to stop.
They are tired, done with it,
But you haven’t finished preparing because the options are so limited.
They are too old for your insurance, they don’t have their own because they don’t work or they work but not enough hours to get work benefits, but they are just over the income threshold to qualify for government insurance, private pay is too expensive, and the free ones have a waiting list. But wait, the ads on TV, they say to call if you need help finding help for yourself or a loved one. Oh yes, you can call and they will help you find help but you still have to pay; A LOT.
So the Momma has to tell the son that he has to go stand in a line first thing in the morning to get on a waiting list to get into a rehab.
The son goes because he really wants to be done with it.
He goes and he waits in line with others. Time passes and his stomach feels like it is going to explode and splatter the sidewalk with its contents. He needs to go use the bathroom but then he’ll lose his place in line and have to start over.
And the evil villain Addiction and his demons arrive on the scene.
They lie, taunt, and seduce.
Their dialogue goes like this.
“You really need to get one more hit just until you can get in the door. Or better yet just forget the whole rehab thing. They don’t care about your pain. They will laugh at you as they watch you writhe in pain. They will make you relive things you don’t want to go through again and make you listen to others talk about their past. You will be locked up, just like a prison-NO FREEDOM. Besides you know you won’t last long without my loveliness that soothes your soul and takes you away from all the crap in your life. Come back to me, I won’t make you wait in any lines.”
So the son leaves the long line and comes home after I have gone to sleep.
He says to me with his head down and tears traveling to the ground, “I’m sorry Mom, I couldn’t do it.”
Didn’t you hear it world-he was ready. Shall I call him an immigrant or a refugee-maybe that way he can get free healthcare.
And no one answers my cries either. They look at me and say, I’m so sorry.
Maybe if I tell them about my friend whose son was found in a praying position, out of it from overdosing and he later died. Or maybe about my son’s friend whose Mom found her son dead in his closet from a heroin overdose. No, sorry is all they have to offer.
I can hear my son sobbing in his room and then silence. I go in to hold him and tell him we can keep looking but he is gone, lost in the haze of heroin.
It makes me want to use again and get lost in the haze with him-it’s just too much. I want to run and run and run to the ends of the earth and fall into the void.
I want to draw a picture of the drug lords and the crops and the runners and the corner drug dealers and the ones that mix it and package it and sneak it into babies strollers and then I want to erase the picture and have it all be GONE.
And oh if you knew everything that goes on in that vile world, I know you would want to join me.
Doesn’t anyone really hear the cries of the masses? Help me PLEASE, they cry.
Addendum: My son found sobriety. A very wonderful person agreed to pay for his rehab. It was his 4th rehab and he made it through. 7 years sober.
This is a very serious problem in this world.
Please share this and let me know what you have done to get sober or help someone else find sobriety.
I have a thought (hopefully will turn into a plan and eventually become an option to help fight the problem of drug addiction.