I was going to look up the meaning of sludge because I was going to use it in an analogy.; I wanted to make sure I would use it in the proper context.
When I looked it up, I decided that none of them fit so I will use it as the thought that came to mind when I saw the word.
My definition of sludge is simple: My mind on anxiety.
Sludge is all of the junk in my brain that impedes the flow of truth and serotonin.
So, when faced with a decision to make or a response to come up with or an action to take, the results are a product of sludge: nothing happens due the backup of sludge or something totally inappropriate occurs..
Occasionally in an anxious moment I can sense or hear the pile up that is causing the backup but sometimes I simply have no idea and it just grips me.
I think the most frustrating thing about anxiety is that people who don’t have it just don’t get it.
They say things like, “Well, just change the way you think, you know those thoughts are not true. Why do you just stare at me when I ask you a question? How come you can never make a decision? You don’t have to be afraid.”
I have new hope though in this fight.
I was able to get my doctor to change the type of medication I take for Hashimotos (hypothyroidism).It took a about 3 phone calls to find someplace that had the medication. There is a back up in the production and most all pharmacies are out of it. I was so grateful that I was able to get it. I am hoping by refill time that it will be back in stock.I also got a coffee substitute and a wonderful essential oil blend. ( I still need to change my diet)
I had clear, positive thinking, amazing energy and was able to figure things out without all the sludge. I felt strong, confident and able to stand up against my naysayers.
Today,as I sit in one of my favorite places with my 2 of my best friends I am feeling hopeful that I can continue with this forward momentum; that the sludge can be cleared away so I have more focus and energy and have the confidence to stand up to those that would try to bring me down,and that I will be free of this paralyzing fear that lends itself to so many unhealthy behaviors.